It's OK That You're Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn't Understand (Paperback)

It's OK That You're Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn't Understand Cover Image
By Megan Devine, Mark Nepo (Foreword by)
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When a painful loss or life-shattering event upends your world, here is the first thing to know: there is nothing wrong with grief. "Grief is simply love in its most wild and painful form," says Megan Devine. "It is a natural and sane response to loss."

So, why does our culture treat grief like a disease to be cured as quickly as possible?

In Its OK That Youre Not OK, Megan Devine offers a profound new approach to both the experience of grief and the way we try to help others who have endured tragedy. Having experienced grief from both sidesas both a therapist and as a woman who witnessed the accidental drowning of her beloved partnerMegan writes with deep insight about the unspoken truths of loss, love, and healing. She debunks the culturally prescribed goal of returning to a normal, "happy" life, replacing it with a far healthier middle path, one that invites us to build a life alongside grief rather than seeking to overcome it. In this compelling and heartful book, youll learn:

Why well-meaning advice, therapy, and spiritual wisdom so often end up making it harder for people in grief
How challenging the myths of griefdoing away with stages, timetables, and unrealistic ideals about how grief should unfoldallows us to accept grief as a mystery to be honored instead of a problem to solve
Practical guidance for managing stress, improving sleep, and decreasing anxiety without trying to "fix" your pain
How to help the people you lovewith essays to teach us the best skills, checklists, and suggestions for supporting and comforting others through the grieving process

Many people who have suffered a loss feel judged, dismissed, and misunderstood by a culture that wants to "solve" grief. Megan writes, "Grief no more needs a solution than love needs a solution." Through stories, research, life tips, and creative and mindfulness-based practices, she offers a unique guide through an experience we all must facein our personal lives, in the lives of those we love, and in the wider world.

Its OK That Youre Not OK is a book for grieving people, those who love them, and all those seeking to love themselvesand each otherbetter.

About the Author

Megan Devine is a writer, speaker, and advocate for emotional change on a cultural level. She holds a masters in counseling psychology. Since the tragic loss of her partner in 2009, Megan has emerged as a bold new voice in the world of grief support. Her contributions via her site Refuge in Grief have helped create sanctuary for those in pain and encouragement for those who want to help. For more, visit

Mark Nepo is a poet and philosopher who has taught in the fields of poetry and spirituality for over 35 years. ANew York Times#1 bestselling author, he has published numerous books--including The Book of Soul, The One Life We're Given, and Drinking from the River of Light--and recorded multiple audio projects.

Mark has been interviewed three times by Oprah Winfrey as part of herSoul Seriesradio show, and was interviewed by Robin Roberts onGood Morning America. As a cancer survivor, Mark devotes his writing and teaching to the journey of inner transformation and the life of relationship. Mark's work is widely accessible and used in spiritual retreats, healing and medical communities, and more. His work has been translated into 20 languages, and he continues to offer readings, lectures, and retreats.

Praise For…

Its OK That Youre Not OK is a permission slip to feel what you feel, do what you do, and say what you say, when life finds you in a place of profound loss and the world seems hell-bent on telling you the right way to get back to being the person you'll never again be. Jonathan Fields, author of How to Live a Good Life, founder of Good Life Project

Megan Devine has captured the grief experience: grief is not a problem to be solved, but a mystery to be honored. She understands the pain that grieving people carry on top of their actual grief, including the pain of being judged, dismissed, and misunderstood. Its OK That Youre Not OK is the book Ive been waiting for for 30 yearsthe one I can recommend to any newly bereaved parent, widow, widower, or adult grieving a death. Donna Schuurman, senior director of advocacy and training at The Dougy Center for Grieving Children & Families

In this beautifully written offering for our broken hearts, Megan Devine antidotes the cultures messed up messages about bearing the unbearable. We dont have to apologize for being sad! Grief is not a disease from which we must be cured as soon as possible! Rather, the landscape of loss is one of the holiest spaces we can enter. Megan serves as our fearless, feisty, and profoundly compassionate guide. Mirabai Starr, translator of Dark Night of the Soul: John of the Cross and author of Caravan of No Despair: A Memoir of Loss and Transformation

This book is POWERFUL. Too many grief books focus on getting over it, but this book says: Look grief in the eye. Sit with it.Its OK That Youre Not OK comes at grief with no flinching. Its intelligent and honest. Its a message that everyone who has ever dealt with loss needs to read. Theresa Reed, author of The Tarot Coloring Book

Our current cultural norms surrounding death render us incapable of dealing with grief authentically and result in unknowingly causing more hurt and suffering to not only ourselves, but the people we care about most.Its OK That Youre Not OKis the perfect how-to manual to help heal and support ourselves, each other, and our death-avoidant society. Sarah Chavez, executive director of The Order of the Good Death

Megan Devine knows grief intimately: shes a therapist and a widow. In this wonderfully honest and deeply generous book, Devine confronts the reality of grieving and reminds us that love is the thing that lasts. Jessica Handler, author of Invisible Sisters: A Memoir and Braving the Fire: A Guide to Writing About Grief and Loss

Megan Devines hard-won wisdom has the power to normalize and validate the experience of grief. If youre tired of being asked, Are you better now? read this book for a fresh perspective. Chris Guillebeau, New York Times bestselling author of The Happiness of Pursuit

Grief support and understandingthat is heartfelt, straightforward, and wise. Jack Kornfield, author of A Path with Heart

Its OK That Youre Not OK is a wise and necessary book. Megan Devine offers a loving, holistic, and honest vision of what it means to companion each other inside what hurts. Steve Edwards, author of Breaking into the Backcountry

In a culture that leaves us all woefully unprepared to navigate grief, Megan Devines book is a beacon for a better way of relating.Its OK That Youre Not OK shows us the path to be companions, rather than saviors, to loved ones who are experiencing deep pain.This book should be required reading for being human. Kate McCombs, relationship educator and creator of Tea & Empathy events

Megan Devine tells the truth about loss, and in doing so, she normalizes an experience that has been censored and stigmatized. Its OK That Youre Not OK is enormously comforting and validating. Through her life workand now this important bookMegan leads us to a place thats rare in our culture: a place where our loss is valued and honored and heard. Tr Miller Rodrguez, author of Splitting the Difference: A Heart-Shaped Memoir

One of the hardest things about going through hard times is trying to get and give support. In Its OK That Youre Not OKMegan Devine guides us through tough times with grace. With loving acceptance and compassion, Megan is the new, warm perspective you need. Vanessa Van Edwards, author of Captivate and behavioral investigator at

Megan Devine shows us that rather than treat grief as an illness to recover from, we can approach it with warmth and understanding. This is an invaluable book. Rene Denfeld, bestselling author of The Enchanted and The Child Finder

This book is the radical take on grief we all need. Megan Devine breaks apart stereotypes and societal expectations that layer additional suffering on top of the intense heartbreak of loss. For those in grief, these words will bring comfort and a deep sense of recognition. With precise language, insightful reflections, and easy-to-implement suggestions, this book is a flashlight for finding a way in the darkest times. For anyone looking to support others in their grief, this is required reading! Jana DeCristofaro, coordinator of Childrens Grief Services, The Dougy Center for Grieving Children & Families

Product Details
ISBN: 9781622039074
ISBN-10: 1622039076
Publisher: Sounds True
Publication Date: October 1st, 2017
Pages: 280
Language: English